A World of Problems

I’d rather like to travel. Abroad, to be specific. But there’s a problem. A whole bunch of problems, in fact. Should I list them? It’s hard to know where to start. Which is exactly why many people have just given up on the idea of foreign jaunts for this year. I haven’t, but it’s wearing on my patience. So let’s list the problems.

There’s the Political Problem. Boris has made so many awful decisions, he now seems loathe to make another one at all. So he invented a traffic light system to enable us to make an informed decision. Red, Amber and Green. And Amber Plus. And Green Watchlist. And Amber watchlist, obviously, although that could work either way. Have you ever seen an actual traffic light like that? It would spark chaos. No one would know whether they’re coming or going.

There’s the Bureaucratic Problem. Once you’ve sussed the traffic light system, you need to check what the Foreign and Commonwealth Office says. They don’t pay too much attention to Boris and his traffic light system. Perhaps they will say your chosen country is absolutely dandy. Or perhaps they will advise against any non essential travel, thus voiding one’s travel insurance.

Then there’s the Testing Problem. Some countries insist on a test before you leave Blighty. The UK requires a test before and after your return. A variety of different types of test might be required. But there’s no guarantee that the test you order will arrive on time. And the overflowing drop off boxes here in Blighty suggest the entire system has basically collapsed.

There’s the Moral Problem. Even if one can travel to countries like Mexico, where the virus is once again raging, does that mean that one should? Sure, the travel industry needs foreign currency, but there’s also the chance that one will fall sick with the plague and perhaps take a hospital bed that a local person desperately needs. It’s complex. Is it kinder to starve or suffocate the hotelier and his/her family?

There’s also the Lunatic Problem, exclusive to the United States, where antivaxxers and Trumpers have joined forces and are actively attempting to collapse the health care system and to kill as many people as possible. I wouldn’t be shocked if our October plans to visit the USA are kiboshed by the American Taliban, sending the country on to everyone’s red lists.

We will need a Plan B in case that comes to pass. Which leads us on to the next issue, the Planning Problem. Because the travelling situation is so changeable, we will also need Plans C, D, E, F and G. Plan H is to drop a hallucinogen, sit next to a radiator on max and watch The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and become one with the television. But I am hoping that it will not come to that. We have Malta booked. And Ryanair have fuelled my dreams with new routes from Bournemouth to Budapest, Lisbon and Wroclaw.

These are, of course, all First World Problems. As I write this, hundreds of thousands of people around the world are gasping for air. Tens of thousands will die today. Nonetheless, we strive to return to normal in a sensible fashion. It seems to me that once double jabbed, we are as safe as one can expect to be. Most of Europe should now be fully open, with few to no restrictions.